Prednisone Grapevine
Walking and Falling

Guess the Prescription Drug - A Short List

Here are a few of my favorite prescription drugs heavily advertised on television. Their names are poetry of a sort, expertly crafted and wrought over by teams of specialists and marketers. (For further reading see Colson Whitehead's excellent Apex Hides the Hurt). I have added a short, clarifying description of each one along with actual side effects from the ads:


 TaltzTaltz (Ixekizumab) - Might make things tighter? Taller? Saltier? Short and succinct drug - recommended for those who are not allergic to it. Possible side effect - death.

SchmaltzSchmaltz (Jewish Penicillin) – Definitely makes things saltier. Reduces bad cholesterol by replacing it with even worse cholesterol. Possible side effect – also death.

OtezOtezla (Apremilast) - Vaguely Meso-American sounding lost empire drug. Could stop bleeding caused by blood ritual. Could start bleeding by blood ritual. Could also be a soup. May cause dark urine.

OzempicOzempic (Semaglutide) – Destroys the following: Picnics, Olympics, Aztecs, and Pixels. Grabbed the “O-O-O It’s Magic” theme song before those bastards from Otezla could get their filthy paws on it.  May cause disturbing dreams (usually involving the “O-O-O It’s Magic” theme song.

KeyKeytruda (Pembrolizumab) vs Latuda vs Truvada vs Trulicity. Tailor made for these uncertain times where the truth is found to be lies, and all the joy within you dies. Warning: Truth is a controlled substance and should only be prescribed by a medical professional, newspaper editor or Internet expert.

AbilifAbilify (Aripiprazole) – Obviously amplifies your abilities. Hell I’m taking this shit right now sight unseen.


QbrexQbrexza (glycopyrronium) – Scrabble 4000 pointer!


DupixDupixent (Dupilumab) I’m glad they renamed this cause “Dupilumab” made no sense at all. Either way it doubles your pupil input so you can see more? May also double your pupil output so you can see less. May cause “unusual” bleeding. 

TrintTrintellix (Vortioxetine) - Possibly involves a Catholic space ceremony? Or is some kind of fax machine lubricant. Ask your faith-based healer. May cause aggressive confusion.



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